You really coming over, don't trick.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
