Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
