You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We are two peas in an std pod
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Randomize
