Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I forget how to act sober
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