I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
