Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
