Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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