margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
