ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
