i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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