ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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