She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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