Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
