My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
