worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
