Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
