Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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