I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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