its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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