Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
