I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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