I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I fill condoms, not promises.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
