I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
