the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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