I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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