I'm going to jail i love you
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
