God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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