Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
