Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
