I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
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