Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
