My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
