I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
