She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
