im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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