Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
