Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
