trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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