Where is the hickey?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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