glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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