Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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