so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
