I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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