hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How does it feel to date your dad?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
