She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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