I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
