Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
