Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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