her vagine was all disorganized.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Success! We fucked roommates!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
