so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
