Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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