What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
