I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
