Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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